Chapter 1

The sun goes up and the sun goes down

I drag myself into the town
All I do, I want to do with you

- Cells, The Servant

“Cordelia, hush!” My older cousin slaps a hand over my mouth but it doesn’t stop me from whimpering. A cold sweat drips from my brow and I remove Belinda’s hand from my lips before wiping my forehead. If this were the first or second time these nightmares occurred, then she would have taken me in her arms and rocked me back and forth until I fell back asleep. But this isn’t the first or second time. Because this has been happening for my entire life, on a recurring basis none the less.

“At least you actually made for a decent wakeup call this time.” Belinda mutters. She lifts herself up out of bed and walks over to the basin by the door, splashing water on her face. I roll over and face the wall, breathing heavily. No matter how many times I wake up screaming in the middle of the night, the impact is never less horrific. Seeing my mother’s terrified expression… hearing my own infant screams in the background…

My thoughts are interrupted as a pillow collides with my head, and I groan, turning over. “Wake up Cordelia! There’s no time for sleep now!” My annoying cousin is the culprit, of course. “You do know the tournament is today, don’t you?”

I blow my hair out of my eyes. “So?” I ask, apathetic. “It’s not as if I’m actually going to go.”

“Ugh, you’re so boring, Cor!” Belinda teases, ceasing her pampering for a second to smirk at me. “Why don’t you go out and have a little fun for once?”

“If you find those kinds of things fun.” I murmur under my breath. “Why are you going anyway? It’s not like you to be so chipper in the morning.”

“To spend more time with the king of course! Honestly Cor, I didn’t think you were that daft!”

I mumble some excuse about not being able to think so early. Because her reasoning was actually pretty obvious. It’s all part of the plan that the two of us have been scheming up since we were old enough to recognize our impending death. We needed a way to get to the king, a way to gain his innermost trust and find our way into his circle of royalty. A way to leave him vulnerable and crushed for the day we decided to attack. And as Belinda got older and started growing into an incredibly attractive young lady, I realized- what better way to get to the king than through his heart?

It’s then that I realize what this day truly holds for me, and I almost hit myself upside the head for not remembering straight away. I hoist myself out of bed and grab my cloak, heading for the door.

“Decided to take my advice?” Belinda inquires while pulling her long blonde hair up into a bun.

“Sure, let’s go with that.” I say, smiling. I step out of our house and into the fresh air before she can say anything else that might possibly offend me.

The ground is wet with dew, and feel every cold pebble beneath my bare feet. I breathe in the cool spring air and soak up the rising sunlight. Then I run, feeling the wind flow through my long hair and smelling the pine trees surrounding me. I don’t stop until I reach the meadow, sheathes of grass dancing in the breeze around my ankles.

I come to a halt because I see the looming gates of the castle only a few paces away. This is where he lives. The king who took my parents away from me, who banished every magical creature from the kingdom, who lives a life of luxury as his people sit begging for money on the side of the street. I want nothing more than to destroy everything that makes him happy, to take away what he has taken from me… But I don’t want to focus all my energy on loathing him for the day. I have better things to do.

I tear my eyes away from the giant fortress and head over the hill. From this view I can see the tournament taking place in the ravine below. I follow the stone path down to the bottom, hoping everyone’s attention is fixated on the event rather than me. I approach the stands, all the while hiding behind the brush that separates the spectators and challengers from the outside world. I peer through the bushes, searching for a familiar face in the crowd.

The first person I notice is the brightly adorned Lady Keelin, clutching her pale white face, eyes wide. She must be the poor lass who’s marriage the two competitors are fighting for. I sigh, disapproving of the tournament’s always barbaric ways. I never understood why a struggle for affection was such a popular sport among the community.

 I turn my attention to the royal panel, and I see the person I’m looking for. Adorned in regal attire and carrying a quill and parchment, he sits on the left side of the king. I giggle as he winces from each blow the opponents take. He could never stand the site of blood, from as long as I can remember. He makes a disgusted face as one of the competitors is hit with the powerful blow of a sword.

The contender falls to the ground and doesn’t stir, and after a few moments of silence, the newly declared victor takes off his helmet and presents himself before Lady Keelin. The crowd cheers, their attention no longer turned towards the fatally injured man still lying on the earth. I scowl, watching the king clap his hands together in delight, thoroughly amused at the outcome of the tournament. The young boy on his left merely gulps his face paling at the site of the fallen.

And then my eyes find a new sight to behold. My dear cousin has just arrived, and she makes her way up to the royal panel, taking the empty seat beside the king. My stomach churns as she takes Donnel’s hand, even though I know it is all an act. I watch them sit and talk for a while. She laughs with him and bats her beautiful long eye lashes. I suddenly have an urge to vomit.

I stay in my hiding place until the crowd has cleared, most of them mounting their horses and riding up the stone path that leads back to their villages. Finally, after Lady Keelin and her suitor are congratulated a million times over, and the loser has been carted off to the court physician, the king mounts his horse and dismisses his panel of workers.

I burrow deep into the bushes as the king passes by my hiding spot, his smug expression causing my insides to turn, his fingers entwined with my cousin’s. But I forget about them as a pair of long legs walk past me, making their way hurriedly back into the kingdom. Before they can go any further, however, I scramble out of the bushes, brushing off stray twigs and leaves before calling out my companion’s name.

“Carwyn!” I yell softly, and he immediately stops, straitening up and turning around. I can’t help but smile widely as his gaze turns to me. His eyes brighten and he gives his own grin.

“Cor.” he whispers, and I run towards him, unable to contain my joy any longer. I throw my arms around him and he abandons his parchment and quill, wrapping his arms around me as well. The force of my hug must be too much for him, though, and we both fall back into the high grass, laughing, but never breaking our embrace. I close my eyes and let his warmth engulf me.

We pull away reluctantly, and a tear slips down my face. “I missed you, so much.” I say, blushing at how close he is to me.

I give him a small smile and he shifts, looking uncomfortable. “I was only gone for three months, Cor.” He says, sitting up and abandoning his position beside me.

I’m suddenly chilly as I feel the wind sweep around my shoulders. “Three months is a long time, Car.” I turn on my back so I’m facing the sky. And unexpectedly, the air gets strange, awkward even. There is tension between us that I’ve never felt before. “…didn’t you miss me?” I ask, my eyes searching his face for some sort of familiar emotion. Three months truly was a long time, enough to make us a bit more like strangers, and I internally hope the discomfort of this moment will quickly fade away.

There’s no response and I’m a little hurt. I know Carwyn is probably thinking and not listening. I sit up, looking into his deep blue-green eyes.

“No, no! Of course I missed you!” he says hastily, seeming to notice me for the first time. “How could I not miss my best friend?”

I smile, getting up and brushing off my skirt. Carwyn gets up as well when I offer my hand to him.

“So what did you do the whole time you were gone?” I ask, curious. Carwyn starts walking so I follow in his wake.

“You know, boring king advisory stuff… taking notes, things like that.” he kicks at a rock on the ground and misses. “What did you do those long three months without me?”

“Oh nothing.” I say, running up ahead of him and walking backwards. “It was incredibly boring, you know, considering I never got to grace your presence in that dreadful, tedious, extensive amount of time!” I exaggerate my words, trying to annoy Carwyn and break the lingering tension. He hates it when I am sarcastic with him. He is the only one who was allowed to tease.

“Hey!” says a very flustered-looking Carwyn. Success! “I thought you missed me! What’s with the attitude?”

“I’m just messing with you.” I laugh and roll my eyes. I do that a lot whenever I am around him. “Jeez, Car!” I see a smile twitch at the corner of his lips but he manages to keep a straight face.

“Oh, so you think that’s funny, do you?” he asks, raising one eyebrow. I always have to bite my lip to keep myself from giggling whenever he does that. He goes on. “Well let’s see how funny you think this is!” He lunges at me and begins tickling my sides. Immediately I double over in laughter, my lungs struggling for air.

“No, stop!” I gasp, jerking away from him and guarding my body with my arms. “You know how much I hate being tickled!”

“Which makes it all the more fun!” He smirks, pouncing at me again.

This time I dodge him and run away, laughing and screaming at the same time. I can’t help but be happy when I am around Carwyn, no matter how much of a dork he is. I hear his footsteps running after me, and I glance back over my shoulder to see how far away he is. I can outrun him for a distance, but after a while I will lose steam and the tickling torture will commence.

Before he can catch me, however, I stop abruptly, staring at the woods ahead of me.

Carwyn almost collides with me. “What was that about?” he asks, looking around to see what I am staring at. “Hello? Cordelia?” he says when I don’t respond.

“I have to visit Ionor!” I say softly, remembering the old woman who had asked to see me today. “I promised her, and I forgot!” I take a step in the direction of her house, and then-

“Wait,” Carwyn says, stepping in front of me. “You mean that creepy old lady who lives in the forest, on the outskirts of the kingdom?”

“Stop it, Carwyn.” I push him aside, making my way into the trees. “She’s practically my mother. She raised me! If it weren’t for her, I’d be dead right now. You know that.” I look down at the ground. “And she’s not creepy!” I add.

“Well everyone else thinks she is.” Carwyn continues to follow me, making my patience grow thin. “Everyone says she uses… well you know.”

I glare at him, angrily. “No, I don’t know. Why don’t you inform me?”

He gulps. “Magic.” he whispers.

I burst out laughing. “What’s so bad about that word? It’s not like you’ll explode if you say it!”

“Well Donnell’s men will come after you and kill you if you do! So, yes, it’s probably equally bad as exploding.” he insists.

“It’s not like they’re not already after me.” I mumble.

“What?” Carwyn asks.

“Nothing, Carwyn, okay? I have to go see Ionor, despite the fact that you think she’s creepy, or that she uses magic. I would think that by now, you, of all people, would just accept that she’s my friend.” I begin to walk away, but he grabs my arm.

“Let me come with you.” he says.

“What?” I gawk at him. “You just said-”

“But if you were raised by her and turned out like this, she must be okay. Even if she does use the ‘m’ word.” he says, determined.

I roll my eyes. “Car-”

“Plus, I want to see you. I haven’t been with you for a long time.” he interrupts me again. “And I bet Ionor has tons of hilarious stories about you when you were younger. Ones I can definitely used to humiliate you later.” he finishes, smiling.

I drop my gaze and look down at the ground, upset. This isn’t the first time he has tried to talk to me about Ionor, or my past. But this is the first time he actually wants to meet the woman who saved my life. I want to take him with me, I really do. And I do miss him. But I just… can’t.

“I’m sorry Car.” I say guiltily, knowing that if I leave him I will only sever our relationship even more than those three long months did. “See you later.” And then I run away into the woods, unable to look at his sad eyes. I hate not sharing my secrets with him. I hate keeping my past in the dark as he tries to wean the truth out of me. Whenever I keep something from him, I feel like I am hurting him a little bit more each time. But what Ionor is about to tell me is something his pretty little ears just won’t be able to handle.