Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Just Maybe

There was a girl who never wanted to grow up
Never wanted to throw her crazy dreams away
Never wanted to turn her back on childhood
Never wanted time to pass by each day
There was a boy who never wanted to grow up
He lost himself in a world of fantasy
He found the girl and took her with him
They flew beyond time, worry free
To a place where there are no limits
And the stars never cease to shine
Where adventure lurks round' every corner
And where love and happiness intertwine
They were gone for so long they began to forget
Of the mother waiting back home
Who was missing her daughter and wondering why
And letting her frightful mind roam
She stared out the window of her daughter's bedroom
Tears spilling out of her weary eyes
She thought maybe if she screamed loud enough
Her daughter would soon hear her cries
She called, "Why did God let you slip from my life?
Come back my precious baby
I still love you, you know I do
Maybe you'll come back, just maybe."
She never closed that window
Not once, just in case
There was no way she would forget
The memory of her daughter's face
The daughter knew it was time to go home
She couldn't remain young forever
So the boy took her home, reluctantly
She could never return to his world, not ever
But he promised to visit her every spring
So their memories of each other wouldn't die
He kissed her lips as tears rolled down her face
And she leaned out her window to say goodbye
Her mother received her with wide open arms
But the daughter wasn't as thrilled
Because she went to her window every night
And the boy never came, her heart unfulfilled
She cried, "Why did God let you slip from my life?
Come back my precious baby
I still love you, you know I do
Maybe you'll come back, just maybe."
Then winter came and the window was closed
Even though the girl put up a fight
And as soon as it closed, her love for the boy
Vanished in a single night
She grew up, got married, and had children of her own
With only vague dreams of those forgotten days
And finally the boy came to visit her
Only to realize that he was too late
He cried, "Why did God let you slip from my life?
Come back my precious baby
I still love you, even thought you don't know I do
Maybe you'll come back, just maybe."

Women

Nausea and bulging stomach
But she won't become an outcast
No, she destroys the growing evidence
With a single self-induced blow
And continues to indulge in desires
Lust

Paling face and showing bones
But she won't listen to her friends
No, she flushes down the evidence
In an ivory secret -holder
And continues to see another in the mirror
Obsession

No memories fill her aching brain
But she won't stop her ways
No, she downs all the evidence
With a few satisfying gulps
And continues to forget her troubles briefly
Desertion

Angry slashes and bitter memories
But she won't share her pain
No, she hides the brutal evidence
In an oversized bulky sweatshirt
And continues to numb the regret
Hopelessness

Words blurting from an unknown source
But she won't believe the rumors
No, she deletes the evidence
With a quick click of the red button
And continues to be the topic of conversation
Victim

Red blood on already crimson lips
But she won't let a secret escape
No, she crumbles up the evidence
In a death-stained tissue
And continues to smoke a pack a day
Addiction

Beautiful smile and shining personality
But she can't see it through society
No, she witnesses the evidence
On billboards and T.V. everyday
And continues to condemn herself
Women

Ashes

She fingers the red feather in her hand and compares it to the blood trickling down her forearm. They are both warm, soft, and that shocking crimson hue that never ceases to bring color to her dark, cold world. That's why she carries it with her. Because it reminds her that there may be something or possibly someone good left in this world. That… and it reminds her of the story her mother used to tell her when she was younger. When she was sober. And when a cut on her arm would bring her pain rather than leave her numb. She hears her mother's voice in her head for a moment. "The magical phoenix, it bursts into flames and then is reborn from its ashes. It starts over, good and brand new, just like we will when we get out of this house…" But then there is the contrasting recollection of her father, stumbling into the room with a pint of alcohol in his hand, clearly inebriated and blinded by rage. She doesn't realize he's got a gun in his other hand until he's fired and hit his target. She relives her mother's death as if it were yesterday, and she cries out in vain just as she did when she was eight years old. But the worst part is, he's still here, in this very house. Not only haunting her with memories but with his present, physical appearance as well. She takes a shuddering gasp of air and strokes the feather for comfort. She imagines she is a phoenix, becoming a wall of fire and then emerging from the cinders as an untainted newborn with no nightmares, with no past… She slowly stands up, carefully placing the feather in her pocket. And then she reaches for the basket above the fireplace, her fingers finding the object she longs for. She lights a match and places it to her clothing. Instantly, her brown dress is aflame, and she laughs as the fire envelops her. She is the phoenix from her mother's story, soaring free and feeling more alive than ever as her inferno spreads. And she realizes… she is finally warm.
He smells smoke and wonders where the hell it could be coming from. It's certainly not winter, so there's no reason why the fireplace would be lit. It's probably the girl, he thinks bitterly. She's always complaining about being cold, even when it's 100 degrees outside. Grumbling and chucking his remote to the ground, he gets up from his comfortable easy chair and makes his way to the basement. That's when he sees her. She's lying in a heap on the ground, her eyes shut, the flames dancing around her as if they are embracing her presence. He cannot move. Surely, the girl is dead, her face pressed to the ground like his wife's was… Same pink lips, same ebony hair, same untimely fate… thanks to him. He finally realizes that the fire is spreading and he needs to put it out if he wants to survive. He runs to the kitchen and grabs a bucket of water and then douses his daughter's corpse with it. He collapses to the ground and tries to remember how to breathe. The sight of a charred and blistered teenager is not helping. Why did she do it? he wonders. What pushed her to the edge? He crawls closer to her body and notices an object enclosed in her palm. His fingers brush hers, and for the first time in years, it's a gentle touch… that only he is alive to feel. He examines the object and realizes it's the skeleton of a bird feather… a phoenix? He stands up and a single tear of remorse falls down his cheek. But the emotion is soon gone and replaced with one of jealousy. Envy that she had enough courage to take her own life… Envy that she's freer than he'll ever be. He crumbles up the vestiges of the feather in his hand and staggers out of the room. There's nothing left in this house but his black heart and the promise of another day of suffering.

Drowning in Love

He is the tide
ebbing in and out
One moment he's there
and the next, there's no doubt
that he's drifting away
being pulled by his heart
The moon draws him back
to the place he did start
And when he returns
he will flirt with the sand
Until the night falls
he will be in my hands
But the moon draws him back
to the place we did start
I'm left dry as the desert
thanks to his fickle heart

Reek

A high school crush is a pile of dog crap
You try to avoid it, but somehow it turns up
In the strangest of ways and the strangest of places
It fastens itself to you and constantly perturbs you
All your friends point and laugh at you
As you accidently leave traces of it everywhere
And when you finally try to wipe yourself clean
And rid yourself of all the hindrances it brings
It's a difficult skirmish to erase the evidence
You wish you would have tread more carefully
Because you regret getting mixed up
In this whole sticky situation
And frankly, it just plain stinks.

Lumberjack Shirts, Spilled Coffee, and Consciences

To say that she hates him would be an understatement. She loathes every fiber of his being - everything he represents - from his thrift store clothes to his 8 dollar hair cut to that tooth that's crooked on his bottom set of teeth due to lack of orthodontistry.
It's more than his appearance, though. It's the way he talks when he's all fired up about something - like he's McBeth or Heathcliffe or Fitzwilliam Darcy, or some other obscure literary character she's read of. It's the way he's so sarcastic when he's around her – always acting as if the upper class is the most dim-witted, snobbish group of people he has ever met. It's the way he never ceases to stop helping her – even when she is so incredibly mean to him that she thinks "this will be the last time he talks to me. I never have to see his ugly mug again."
But for some odd reason, Tucker Mason has a conscience. And his conscience won't let him leave her alone. Something about her 'hiding hidden feelings under that thick exterior' and him wanting her to 'open up.' She feels like a social experiment through Mason's eyes, and she doesn't like it one bit.
But sometimes she feels like it's more than that… like maybe he actually cares? Which is just ridiculous, because who has ever cared for a person like her?

She falls in the hallway one day at school. That's right- Portia Wittington falls.Which never happens. Someone of her stature and poise should never lose their balance or dignity for that matter. But here she is, sprawled on the floor, her calculus book and papers dispersed about the school hallway as people either laugh at her, or just pass by and watch her try to compose herself. No sympathy for the rich.
This is why she begged her parents not to go to public school. But they insisted on her learning societal norms and mingling with the common-folk. Oh brother. She does't talk to anyone at school, let alone mingle.
And then he shows up, like some overly cheesy movie, he just appears, leaning down next to her and gathering up her papers like the good Samaritan he is. She gives him the look – the 'why the hell are you helping me' one. And he just shrugs, shaking his head like he has no clue why he feels compelled to help a completely and totally malicious shrew like her. Perhaps it's that conscience of his again.
But somewhere in the back of her mind, she's grateful, and she takes her books back when he offers them to her, still sitting on the ground. The nasty, germ ridden ground. Still, when he offers his hand to her to help her up, she doesn't take it. She hoists herself up, struggling, but still managing to get up without falling again – which is absolutely a miracle in those heels she's wearing. She gives him the 'I'm good, you can leave now' smile and blinks several times for effect.
He just rolls his eyes and shakes his head – which he finds himself doing a lot around her. "You're welcome." he says unenthusiastically, and trudges away.
Is that guilt she feels when she realizes she didn't apologize?
It can't be.

She hates to admit it, but there are some benefits to being a lower-middle-class civilian sometimes. For example, the smoothies and mochas at "The Beanery" were far more superior and flavorful than the imported teas her mother bought from China, so she made a point to stop there every Monday after class for something different and delectable.
This Monday she had a nonrefundable yoga lesson that couldn't be rescheduled, and so she had missed her weekly Beanery visit. She simply couldn't stand not going for a treat, so she decided to go the next day – Tuesday - which just so happens to be today.
She walks into the coffee shop, her heels clicking on the floor as she makes her way to the register to order.
That's when she sees him, standing behind the counter with one of those hideous plaid shirts of his and a bright blue nametag that signifies the fact that he is an employee.
She stops mid-walk and ducks to the side before he can see her… accidentally running into a man carrying a tray of drinks. One of his cups falls and coffee splatters her shirt, dousing her with hot liquid. She lets out a small shriek and gasps 'sorry!' before turning on her heel and making a beeline for the exit, an overwhelming sense of repulsion and embarrassment taking over… until she hears her name.
"Portia?" She cringes at that all-too-familiar voice. And then she realizes it wasn't an exclamation, but rather a question. Which means she could keep walking. She could keep walking and pretend like she was an entirely different person that never heard her name called out.
But something in the back of her mind tells her to turn around, and so she does, putting on a blatantly fake smile to show him how so very happy she is to see him. Especially in a run-down coffee shack wearing fresh coffee on her new Dolce and Gabbana blouse.
"Tucker Mason?!" she exclaims, a little too enthusiastically. "I had no idea you worked here!" She approaches the register, throwing her hands up in the air in mock disbelief. A customer behind her jumps back, somehow avoiding her gesture as her hands fly back in his face.
"I had no idea you came here." Tucker retorts, a smirk on his face as he watches the other customers react to her exaggerated grandeur. She's so out of place. And probably loving it. Either that, or hating having to endure the filth and grime of a commoner store. But then why did she come in the first place?
"Very funny, Mason." She purses her lips, tilting her head to the side and crossing her arms in an expression of complete and utter annoyance. "Is it so wrong to want to experience some culture every once in a while?" she shouts, and the people around her start to murmur… and shoot her some dirty glances.
"No, not at all." he says, shaking his head and playing along in her little game of… whatever this might be. "Now, what would you like?"
She's taken aback by his question, not even remembering the fact that she's standing in line and there are others waiting. "Oh, well-"
"A frappacino? Latte? Or maybe some napkins to help with that accident there?" He points to her shirt and she curses her complexion as her cheeks turn red in mortification.
"It's Mason." she reminds herself. "There's no reason for me to be embarrassed in front of him. For God's sake he's wearing a lumberjack shirt." She rolls her eyes. "Some napkins would be… nice." She holds out her hand in anticipation, tapping her foot as Tucker ducks behind the counter and retrieves a pile of napkins for her.
"Anything else?" he asks as she dabs at the damp spot on her shirt.
She looks up from her work. "I'll take a small diet strawberry smoothie." she says, her voice regaining its normal confidence.
"Coming right up." He smiles and she continues to fix her shirt while he makes her smoothie. When he's done she pays and goes to take a seat.
But before she does, she realizes she has been neglecting her manners. "Thanks, Mason." she says, and then lowering her voice, "for everything."
He can't help but shake his head as she retreats to her seat. She'll proclaim to the world that her small strawberry smoothie is diet, but she won't let anyone hear a simple thanks. Probably because the act of gratitude was directed towards him. Figures.
She sits down at a table all alone, slurping the contents of her smoothie. Even though she hates Mason, she has to admit that he can make one hell of a smoothie with just the right amount of cream and strawberries. When she's finished, she notices a small pink sticky note on the bottom of her cup. She picks it up and reads it – I added some extra whipped cream to make your day better. But don't expect me to do it again. This is a onetime occasion. ;) –T
She smiles to herself but then quickly comprehends what she is doing. Wiping the grin from her face, she stands up from her seat, fuming. She grabs her purse and swings it over her shoulder, chucks the empty smoothie cup into the trash, and storms out the door.
What was he thinking, giving her more whipped cream?! Was he trying to make her fat? Did he not notice she ordered diet for a reason?
But that particular incident isn't enough to keep her away from the coffee shop. Especially on Tuesdays. And she always ends up with a little more extra whipped cream in her diet strawberry smoothie.
If she goes to the right register, that is.

Second quarter begins and they're both in the same creative writing class.
They are paired up to write a story together in an almost cliché way - as if some inevitable fate or gods or universe brings them together. And she can't help but wonder if all these random meetings and run-ins with him are actually random, or something much more - like signs of some sort.
Sometimes she even wonders if they're meant to be together, like one of those silly fairytales her mother used to read to her when she was younger. The thought of Mason being her "Prince Charming" would have probably made her toss her cookies before, but for some reason she's finding the idea more and more appealing.
But somewhere in the back of her mind, she thinks that this is just another trick he's playing on her – another step to his experiment – to make her fall in love with him and observe how she handles the entirely awkward situation. Because that's what it is right now.
She's trying to be civil and kind towards him for once, but it's hard not to spout out random insults when she's so used to it. But he notices, alright - notices how she smiles a lot more when she's around him, how she starts putting those wavy curls in her hair because he complimented her on them one time, and how she sometimes goes out of her way to find him in the hallway, handing him new bits and pieces of the story they're writing.
He's the only one she ever talks to in school… and outside of school. She stops going to those 'play dates' her mother sets her up on with the wealthy teenagers in her neighborhood, and starts visiting The Beanery and the library and the park a lot more.
She feels… content? Like for once, someone actually, genuinely cares about her. And not her money, or her parties, or her looks. Because God knows Mason doesn't care about those. Still, she's scared that it all might disappear one day. That he might disappear.

They pair up for every project after that, their writing teacher not seeming to mind as they put their creativity together to craft something brilliant every time. He makes the ingeniously fashioned plots and settings, and she makes the witty and exciting characters that weave the story together.
One day he runs out of ideas, however, and he asks her to suggest a plot.
She ponders ideas for a moment and then speaks. "A princess falls in love with an ordinary robot." she says, and he is taken aback, but then his demeanor softens as he realizes there issomething under that hard exterior of hers, longing to break free.
"I'll write the first part tonight." he volunteers, but she shakes her head.
"Let me do it this time." she says gently, placing her hand on top of his. Little waves of electricity run up and down her arm, but she chooses to ignore them, hastily gathering her books and telling him she has to go.
He can't help but wonder what she'll have in store for him tomorrow.

It's one thing to feel your own heart beating. It's another to feel the heart of another pounding simultaneously against your own. That was one true thing she desired, another human's affection, their love being portrayed through the pulsing of one's internal organs. Not only did it signify love, but life as well.
He longed for the same thing, to have flesh and soul and heat and pain. But what no one seemed to comprehend was the fact that he not only wanted them in a mate, but in himself as well. You see, a robot does not have a personality. It cannot feel the way a human does. But he, he was the exception- the 'defect robot' as they called him- and he was very much 'alive' indeed.
She lets him kiss her in the library the next day after he's read the first part of their story. Their story – of how the conceited and selfish princess fell in love with a sardonic and lowly robot.
But he doesn't seem lowly anymore, not to her. She's come to realize he's a far greater person than she'll ever be, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she realizes she's slowly changing because of him. She has changed because of him. And she actually likes the person she has become when she is with Tucker Mason.
But as much as she likes the new her, she likes the same old Tucker even more. She likes that stupid, wonky bottom tooth, and his ugly as who-knows-what lumberjack shirts, and his ridiculous haircut that juts out in all places. She likes how passionate he gets about things, not like Mr. Darcy, she realizes, but like Elizabeth Bennet, the way he still cracks jokes at her expense but never really hurts her feelings, and the way he never ceases to stop loving her – even when she's being old Portia. He'll never leave her, for his conscience will never let him.
And somewhere in the front of her mind, she loves him.

Imaginary You

When you smile
I swear I'm gonna die
Is it possible
That you could possibly share that smile with me?
What if I told you
You make me laugh and cry?
You turn a rainy day
Into one where the sun is shining bright
You had my heart
Before I even knew your name
Something deep inside
Told me it was you
I fantasize and these daydreams drive me crazy
Wondering if you're dreaming the same dream about me
I close my eyes and you take me beyond realms of reality
Even though it's not really you
For now the imaginary you will do
When I see those hazel eyes
Makes me wanna cry
How can I love you
When I don't even know what love is like?
What if I never get a kiss
From those lips?
Never smell your breath
Or feel it as you whisper in my ear
Not a day goes by
Where I'm not thinking about you
Not once have I doubted
That you're the one for me
I fantasize and these daydreams drive me crazy
Wondering if you're dreaming the same dream about me
I close my eyes and you take me beyond realms of reality
Even though it's not really you
For now the imaginary you will do
When will this imaginary you
Become my dream come true
I can only take so much
Before fake isn't real enough
Illusions can't mask the real world
And the truth is you're not here by me
I gotta face the facts
That dreams are only imaginary
But if you never love me
I'll always have my dreams
I fantasize and these daydreams drive me crazy
Wondering if you're dreaming the same dream about me
I close my eyes and you take me beyond realms of reality
Even though it's not really you
For now the imaginary you will do
For now the imaginary you will just have to do

Chapter 16 (Incomplete)

Chapter 16
How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close, to reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
- So Close, John McLauglin

I don’t stop to look twice at the lifeless body at my feet. Tears running down my face, I run to Carwyn, pushing his hair back from his face and pressing my ear to his chest. His heart is still beating, but slowly, and barely noticeable.
“No, no!” I whisper. “Please don’t die on me now, please! What will this be worth if you die? Nothing. Nothing at all!” I caress his cheek, letting my tears fall on his face, hoping that somehow they will wake him up.
“Please! Please!” I scream. “You’re what I’ve been living for! You’re all I have left! No more Gavina, Ionor, or Belinda! You’re the only one I love!” I cough, choking on my own tears. “I was the one who was supposed to die the whole time, not you. Never you.”
I turn around, unable to look at Carwyn’s dying body anymore. And then I see it, the broken ring on Donnell’s finger, the jewel still glowing red. Is Ionor’s magic still working even after its holder was mutilated? I shuffle over to the shattered ring, carefully sliding it off of Donnell’s corpse. The pieces are hot to the touch and I feel my fingers blistering under the heat.  I don’t care so much about the pain anymore; I only want Carwyn to be okay. The pieces simmer and hiss in my fingers but I put them together and the gem turns blue, cooling instantly.
“Please.” I whisper into the ring. “I don’t know how to work this magic, but I need to have Carwyn be alright. If he’s not alive, I don’t know what I’ll do…” My voice trails away and I take a great shuddering breath. “I need him.” I say to the magic, and it is all I can possibly muster.
Nothing happens. I am ready to fling myself off the side of the castle, or stab myself with the same sword that I had used to defeat Donnell. After all I have done to keep myself alive, what is it worth if I have no best friend, no one to love?
But then I feel the pieces shaking in my hand and I drop them in surprise. They stay together however, and suddenly a bright white light shoots from out of the jewel, shining right on Carwyn’s unmoving body. I watch as he is illuminated by the strange magic, the white light shooting out different figures- faeries, nymphs, and a bird that looks similar to Gavina.
They lift Carwyn into the sky, circling him, light erupting from every crevice of their being. Finally Carwyn is lowered to the ground, and all of the creatures are siphoned back into the ring. All of them- except for the bird. She flies over to me gracefully, almost blindingly light.
“You did so good Cordelia.” she speaks, making tears well up in my eyes. She sounds like Gavina too. “Magic will be there whenever you need it.” And then she vanishes.
I stand there for a moment, staring, until I realize that Carwyn has gotten up.
“Cor?” he asks thickly. “What happened?” Then he looks around and sees Donnell’s body, vanquished forever. “Wow.” he says, his eyes wide. “You did that?” He turns to me, skepticism written on his face.
I roll my eyes, running over to him and kissing him full on the lips.
And I’m not sure what is better- the kiss, or knowing that I am going to make it past my eighteenth birthday without having to kill any more kings.


Chapter 13 (Incomplete)

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now
- Halo, Beyonce

“What if we don’t make it out of this? What happens then?” Carwyn inquires, his cerulean eyes staring deeply into mine, seriousness written all across his face.
“Don’t talk like that.” I clasp his hands in mine, my pulse beating wildly. “We’ll make it out, alright.” I want to throw my arms around him and hold him close and tell him everything is going to be alright, but I can’t. Because I don’t know if we are going to survive or not. I fight back the tears I know are coming.
“What if we never see each other again?” Carwyn’s hands clutch mine even tighter. “What if one of us dies, and the other lives?” I brake away from him, shaking my head and letting tears fall down my face. “I don’t think I could go through that again.” Carwyn grabs me by the shoulders and spins me around. “Do you have any idea what it was like for me when I thought you were dead?” he yells. “God, it was the most horrible thing I’ve ever felt! I felt as thought I had died. I thought about how I’d never hear your voice, never see your face or smile again…” His voice falters and he turns away so I can’t see him cry.
I fall on my knees, face in my hands. No longer am I afraid of facing Donnell, but facing the consequences that come after the battle. What if Carwyn is right? I won’t want to live he isn’t there to live with me.
And then it hits me, like a bolt of lightning strikes a tree. He is the only reason I have to live, the only reason why I kept going during all of those horrible years, the only real reason why I have to kill Donnell.
“Carwyn…” I stand up and he turns to face me, his eyes streaming tears. My heart aches to see him so sad.  “Before we do this, I need to know… how you feel…” I look down at the ground, trying to find the right words to say. “I mean, how you feel about me, because I lov-”
My words are cut short as Carwyn rushes forward and takes my face in his hands and our lips collide. A dizzying sensation enters my head and I feel as if I’m in another world, my brain completely numb. It takes me a few seconds to figure out what is actually going on, and when I do I grasp Carwyn’s shirt, pulling him closer to me and deepening the kiss. Little waves of electricity run up and down my arms and my heart beats wildly in my chest.   
Our lips move in unison, and I kiss him with every emotion I have in my body, both of us bound to each other as if we’ll never get another chance like this, another moment together. His hands find my waist and I wrap my arms around his neck. For that perfect moment, we’re entangled in each other, and I can feel every emotion inside of him. I take care to memorize the feeling before it fades. Both of us finally break away only when we need to breathe. I look up at him, our chests rising and falling, hearts thumping in harmony. 
“Cor?”
“Yeah, Carwyn?”
“Do you remember the first day we met?”
I laugh. “Of course I do.” I roll over to look at him while we are talking.
He smiles. “Remember how we were both running away from home, and how we made a pact that we would go together?”
“Yes!” I say, giggling. “And we made it pretty far before your mom caught us!”
“It wasn’t even fair! She had a horse!”
I reach over and squeeze Carwyn’s hand in mine. “Do you remember why I ran away that day?”
“I thought it was because Ionor wouldn’t give you any cookies.”
“No!” I say, giving Carwyn a playful punch on the shoulder. Then I get serious. “That was the day Ionor told me how my parents died, and what was going to happen to me on my eighteenth birthday.”
“You mean you had to live with knowing you were going to die since you were eight years old?”
I nod. “But if Ionor would never have told me that, I would have never met you. I’d just be a recluse on the outskirts of the kingdom, never knowing what was in store for me in the future.”
“And I’d still be the assistant to the worst king that ever walked the planet right now.” Carwyn says in a huff. “And I wouldn’t be with you.”
I smile, blushing.
“If this is our last night together-”
“Shh!” I say, putting a finger to Carwyn’s lips. This is the second time today that the topic of death has come up, and I don’t think I can take the pain anymore. “Don’t talk like that. We’ll be okay.”
“Sorry.” he says, stroking my hair. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I say softly. “More than you know.” And then he takes me in his arms and holds me there like I am a little girl. And I allow myself to cry like I am one. But for once in my life, they are tears of joy. I am in the arms of the most beautiful boy in the entire earth, and we love each other. The moment is perfect and surreal, something rarely experienced in a lifetime. And the moment will remain perfect if I don’t think about what is to come.
Finally, after Carwyn’s shirt is soaked, and I shed my last happy tear, I realize that Carwyn has been crying too, all over my head. I am going to get up and get a rag to dry myself, but Carwyn presses me closer to him.
“Don’t go. Please.” he whispers. So I stay, wet head and all.
“Were those happy or sad tears?” I ask him.
“Both.” he says. “I…  I love you.”
“I know. Me too.” I giggle, and I think about what those three words mean. They mean: I can’t believe we’re here right now, in love. But they also mean: I’m telling you I love you so if I die tomorrow, you’ll know.
I wrap my arms around Carwyn’s waist, kissing him on the lips. He is asleep already.
And then I wish so badly that we don’t know we love each other. Because what if he does die?
I wish to God that I never met that beautiful boy in the first place, and I fall asleep in his arms. 

Chapter 11 (Incomplete)

She's going to die high in the sky
She wants her place in the sun
She's too young to die
Too true to lie
She’ll find her place in the sun
- Place in the Sun, Chris Child

A beautiful woman stands at the edge of the pond. She wears a tattered gray cloak and has long, black hair that falls over her face and reaches her ankles. On her feet she wears no shoes and her skin is snow white, not a freckle or mark on her body. She looks incredibly forlorn, her body hunched over, her face somber. Intrigued by her mystique, I take a few steps closer to her; her whole body seems to radiate sadness and I suddenly feel cold and lonely. I shudder but continue to move closer to her under a mysterious spell.
“Cordelia…” I hear Carwyn’s soft voice but I don’t turn back to look at him. My eyes never leave the strangely striking woman.
“Cordelia.” His voice is tension filled and I hear it waver a bit. The woman turns toward us, noticing our presence for the first time. Her eyes linger on Carwyn for a second before they meet mine. They are dark gray, cold, and they bear into my skin. I quiver. It is as though she can see into my very soul.
“Cordelia!” Carwyn shouts, and I feel his hand grip my arm. “Don’t go near her! She’s a witch! She’s a bean sidhe!”
I finally tear my eyes away from the woman to look into Carwyn’s deep blue irises.
“I don’t think she’s going to hurt us.” I say quietly but firmly.
His intense gaze softens, and I know he trusts me. His hand finds mine, and he squeezes it.

Her neck stretches to the heavens, and suddenly an unearthly sound emits from her throat, a high, wailing song that is neither beautiful nor hideous sounding- only surreal. Nevertheless, my hand leaves Carwyn’s and we’re both covering our ears as the witch moans on.
Her eyes find mine again, and her song carries me past the forest and over the hills, into a gated area and through stone walls, into a decorative room and by a warm fire…
I feel an emotion I’ve never felt before as he wraps his arms around me, whispering in my ear. I giggle, playfully pushing him away.
“Stop it! You know I’m ticklish there!” I say, smiling at his dark, alluring eyes.
He smiles back, staring at my lips. So I lean over and kiss his, shivering as his fingers run up and down my back. I pull back and look at him, taking in his handsome features. His tousled, brown hair, his perfect, pointed nose, those soft, pink lips.
“I love you.” I whisper, kissing him one more time.
“Mmm.” He murmurs against my lips, abruptly standing up a moment later. Unexpectedly, I’m cold and alone, and even more so confused.
“I love you as well.” he says, and immediately I’m relieved. Now I’m merely curious as to what he might be doing. He paces back and forth at the foot of our bed, turning in the middle of his antics to go and fetch something from the drawer in the nightstand. I see something flash silver before he slips the object into his pocket.
He turns back to face me, and I look at him, baffled. “But… I don’t know if I can trust you.” He raises an eyebrow.
My heart sinks and I wonder why he doubts me. My mind begins to race. What could I have done wrong to make him doubt me? Was I acting insincere? “Of- of course you can trust me!” My voice is shaky as I give a rather feeble attempt to tell him the truth. He has to believe me. He must believe me! “Would I have married you if I didn’t genuinely love you?”
“Perhaps.” he shrugs, and my stomach lurches. How could he not trust me? I try so hard to be perfect for him, to be- “Perhaps it’s another one of those ridiculous schemes that you and your cousin have cooked up to have me killed.” I watch him approach me with anger in his eyes, an anger I have not once seen on his face except for when he was interrogating the kingdom, and anger that he has not once used on me.
“No, no! Not at all!” I protest in earnest. “I could never-”
“You’re a good liar, Belinda. And I’ve witnessed your lies first hand.”
“Nothing I said has been a lie! I love-”
“I suppose I will never know the truth, then.” he says lazily. I’ve never seen this man before. This is not the man that cared for me and protected me and loved me… I’m paralyzed as he steps inches away from me.
“What do you mean?” I ask softly, hesitating. I have an eerie feeling that I don’t know the answer. But he won’t harm me… he loves me. He-
I slowly look up into his eyes, and his lips meet mine. He forcefully wraps his arms around my waist, and I kiss him back with every ounce of passion I have in me. As if to show him I’m not lying, as if to prove what he means to me.
But in our kiss, I find he slips away from me. We’re disconnected.
Suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my back, and I break away from him, screaming. The ache is overwhelming, I can’t breathe, and I fall over on my side, gasping for air. I watch as he pulls back, a sharp, shiny object in his hand. And from what I can make out, it’s a knife drenched in…
Oh god… blood. That’s my blood. My vision gets foggy and I cry out “why?!” But I can’t tell if the words came out right or not. All I can tell now is pain, pain… pain.
“It’s a shame. You really were a gorgeous girl. But you know what they say- ‘Better safe than sorry.’”
And then it’s all gone.
“No!” I scream, feeling hot tears run down my face. I’m on the ground, writhing and yelling. “He killed her! He killed her!”
“Cor!” I hear another voice but I’m unsure if it’s my imagination or not. All I want to do is get rid of the blood and the pain and the 

Chapter 9 (Incomplete)

All that I know is I’m breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.
- Keep Breathing, Ingrid Michaelson

I awake to the smell of pine trees and light flickering on my eyelids, but I refuse to open them. I feel peaceful and at rest for the first time since… well, since I can remember! If this is what death is like, perhaps I won’t mind it as much as I thought I would.
“Cordelia?”
Oh no…
Or maybe death is more painful, internally at least. Maybe it tortures you with the voices you will miss the most. As I hear Carwyn’s voice echo in my mind, I can’t help but squeeze my eyes even tighter, wanting it to go away. I can’t bear the thought of never seeing him again.
“Cordelia, please, open your eyes!”
If I am to be forever haunted by this sound… But in my obedience, I open my eyes, hoping that somehow he will be here, with me.
And he is! He’s hovering over me, an anxious look on his face. But if he’s here… does that mean he’s dead too? Unless this isn’t death. Unless this is real!
“Carwyn?” I ask, and a tear falls down his face as I reach out my hand to touch his face. “Am I dead?”
He laughs, grabbing my hand and taking it in his own. “No, but you certainly were close to it!”
Then his tone changes and he looks at me with all seriousness. “What in hell made you get on the back of that thing?” he yells. “What are you, suicidal or something?”
“I don’t know!” I yell back, mustering what strength I have left and trying to sit up. “Maybe I am! Maybe I’m tired of living this retched life full of pain and suffering! Everything I ever do or say hurts someone! Everything!” I am sitting up now, looking him square in the eye. “I can’t go on watching you or Gavina suffer. It’s not fair. I wish I were dead!”
Carwyn is silent for a moment as he watches tears stream down my face. “Sorry then.” he says softly, but with a hint of sarcasm that only I can detect. “Sorry for saving your life.”
He turns away angrily, and for the first time I notice a large gaping wound behind his ear, a huge gash bleeding freely. He stands up and begins to pace, and I notice more injuries on his legs.
I wince slightly and try to stifle my sobs as I too stand up and walk over to him, noticing the sharp pain in my own leg and noticing a gash there as well.
“You’re hurt, badly.” I say, meaning to touch the cut on his neck but he turns away from me.
“I’m aware.” he says, with audible sarcasm this time.
“I’m sorry, okay.” I say gently, touching his arm. “I didn’t mean it.”
“But you did mean it. You meant every word of it.” He faces me. “But it’s not true. The most pain you ever put me through was just a few minutes ago, when I thought you were dead.”
As hard as it is to believe him, I let myself believe. Because it feels good. And I don’t need to be hurting physically and mentally.
“Thank you.” I say shortly, but with as much sincerity as I can muster. Then I begin to tear at my skirt, ripping away strands to wrap our ever-flowing wounds.
“What are you doing?” Carwyn asks nervously.
“In case you haven’t noticed, you’re seriously hurt. I was going to try and patch you up, but if you don’t want me to-”
“No, no.” Carwyn interrupts me hastily. “Go ahead.”
“So, how did you manage to rescue me, anyway.” I inquire while I work on his leg. I know he will want to tell his glorious, heroic tale.
“Well…” he starts, talking in a huge breath and puffing out his chest. I have to stifle a laugh as he continues. “I was chained up in one of those little cells in there, right? When all of the sudden I saw you fly by on a silver horse. I started screaming your name, but you must not have heard me. And I saw you and the horse plunge into the water. And I knew at once, it must have been a kelpie.”
“A what?” I stop my work for a moment and look up at him.
“A kelpie.” he repeats. “Donnell had this huge book of banned creatures that he made all the royal advisors read, and the kelpie was in there. It’s a really horrible creature. It lures you onto its back and then dives into the depths of the water to let you drown.”
I shiver. “Then how’d you get me off of it?” I ask in earnest. As Carwyn takes a breath to continue, I pause for a moment, thinking. “No wait!” I stop him. “First tell me how you got out of your cell.”
“I’m getting there.” he says, obviously amused by my full attention on him. “So I was screaming your name and I asked the faerie in my cell to help me, because I knew you were going to die if I didn’t do something.”
“Hold on.” I say, bemused. “There was a faerie in the cell with you?”
“Oh yeah… I didn’t mention that before, did I?” I shake my head and he goes on. “Well, I begged her to please try and help me, or my best friend was going to die. So gathered all of her strength and magic, and blasted the side of the cell off.”
My eyes open wide in amazement. If there re other magical creatures like that… can’t they all break free?
“So I wasted no time and dove into the water to get you.” he continues, interrupting my thoughts. “Of course, you were unconscious by then, but I managed to get you out of the water. After the kelpie put up one heck of a fight.” He points to his neck.
There is a brief pause where I go over the situation in my head.
“What happened to the faerie?” I ask.
“Oh, that’s right!” Carwyn gets up and helps me up as well. He leads me over to an old tree with a huge hole carved in the middle of it.
“Here she is.” There she lays peacefully on a bed of leaves, her long, wild hair covering her body, fingers like lace, and tiny feet barely noticeable beneath the hair. Her hair is pale blue as is her skin, and it almost blends into her cerulean wings, combining flesh and fiber. The wings are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, pure and radiant, completely alienated from her surroundings. I notice that Carwyn has made her a mattress of leaves and a pillow of dandelion puffs. The warm-hearted gesture makes my heart swell.
“Is she-?” I can’t finish my sentence while watching the lovely creature laying there, so innocent and broken looking.
“No.” Carwyn knows what I’m asking. “She’s still breathing, see? And she would have lost her wings if she was dead.”
A faerie without wings. It must be one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard. A tear runs down my cheek and Carwyn puts his arm around my shoulders. I place mine around his waist, my head on his shoulder. We stand like that for a while until I finally break the silence.
“Have you seen Gavina?” I ask, looking up at Carwyn’s face.
“No, I haven’t. Not since the tournament.” He sounds worried, anxious. 

Chapter 8 (Incomplete)

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
The sweeping insensitivity of this still life
- Hide and Seek, Imogen Heap

You put him up to this! I know you did!” he spits into my ear, and although I cannot see him, I know his face is contorted in rage. It’s an expression I’ve seen him wear many times before, in both my dreams and real life.

“No, no! I swear I didn’t!” I gasp, my brain in a dizzied state and every inch of my body shaking. It’s not a complete lie. After all, Carwyn was the one who chose to take the blame, even though I urged against it.

“Don’t lie to me, girl!” he tightens his grip on me, and I can’t breathe any more. He’s going to kill me soon if he doesn’t let go. And maybe that’s exactly what he wants…

“Please-” I manage to choke out, and miraculously, his fingers loosen around my neck. I fall to the ground, taking in generous gulps of air, of life.

“No, it wouldn’t be right to kill you now.” he says quietly to himself. “You only have a month or so left, anyway. I don’t mind prolonging the torture. In any case, you don’t have your precious friend Carwyn to confide in anymore.”

I try to absorb everything he says, because every twisted word from his mouth could be the death of me. But it’s so hard to concentrate when I can barely breathe. I feel a tug on the back of my shirt and he’s threatening me again. “But if you so much as think about doing anything else to me, I will kill you.”

He releases me and walks away. I sit there and listen to his fading footsteps, my breathing heavy. I feel my neck and wince from the pain. I’m still shaking all over, and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, a few escaping. But I won’t let them get much farther. I push them away with the back of my hand and force myself not to cry. Because this isn’t the time to feel sorry for myself. There’s someone out there who needs me, and I can’t let him down.

I have two options. The first is to stay where I am, to stay in the kingdom and be killed in a month’s time. The other is to go out and find Carwyn, and try to set him free. One thing I know is that I’m not going to sit around and let someone take my life. Not after I’ve worked this hard to survive.

I fling my hair out of my face and stand up, looking behind me just to make sure he still isn’t here. And then I run into the depths of the forest, never looking back.

Through the trees, past the outskirts of the kingdom, into a world I’ve never been to before. Sure, I visited Ionor many times before, just past the borders of Aondraio, but I’ve never been this far. It’s so quiet, and yet so wild. Everything is overgrown and unattended to. The trees’ gnarled branches loom over my head, almost blotting out the sun. The ground is littered with leaves, not a pathway or human trace in sight. It gives me an eerie feeling, to be out here, all alone. Not even a bird chirps its happy melody in these woods.

But as I push my way past the thorny bushes and thick vines and make my way to the top of a sloped hill, I see the first trace of civilization. From here I can see an enormous church, its stone structure entirely covered in dense vegetation. It looks completely abandoned… except for one thing- the door is completely uncovered and seems to be refinished.

I am utterly bewildered as to why someone would place a church on the outside of the kingdom. I know it does not belong to the neighboring kingdom, for they are more than fifty miles away. And I know I definitely did not run fifty miles. But if the door is new, then there must be someone going there or in there at this very moment. And if they live on the outside of the kingdom, they must be against the king as well!

I make my way down the large building, desperately praying that my ridiculous reasoning will be at least somewhat true. But as I venture into the church, I find something I didn’t expect at all.

The inside is just as deserted looking as the outside. There is not a single sign of life, nor are there pews, or an alter, or anything for that matter- just an empty room…

If I was confused before, it cannot amount to the way I’m feeling now.

I steer the little boat down the tunnel. Water drips from the stone archway and the sound echoes in a dreary refrain. As I venture deeper into the tunnel I see that it holds many chambers and passage ways. Skeletons hang from chains on the ceiling. Rats scurry along the side of the passage. Their big, yellow eyes glare at me as I make my way through the tunnel. The longer I spend in that ominous setting, the more apparent its purpose becomes.
The hanging chains, the stone bars that hold the bones of not only humans, but figures I do not recognize: this place is a dungeon, a torture chamber. I know this is where King Donnell stores the people who rebel against him, the creatures whose magical powers he cannot control. Perhaps my mother and father have hung from the chains. Perhaps they have looked through the bars of their containment, hoping for a way out to freedom. My eyes flood as I pass the countless numbers of skeletons and rotting carcasses, miserable animals with barely a breath of life left, their sad eyes staring into mine, longing for the freedom I have.
I hang my head, feeling defeated. I have lost. New humans and creatures will join the bodies that have tried to defy the king, and all because I couldn't defeat him. My friends are hurt, my efforts are lost, and my life’s purpose wasted. Every little bit of hope seems to leak out of me and float down the river, carried off to face my unknown destiny. I let the water carry me where it wants, the current slow. I barely notice a pair of red eyes glowering at me in the darkness.
I look at them curious, wondering, not even scared of the danger they could bring me; I don't care anymore. A creature emerges from the shadows, its black coat gleaming in what little light there was. It is brilliantly beautiful, a giant horse that glows like the moon. Its fierce red eyes allure me and I steer the boat to the edge of the passage way. I get out and hesitantly reach my hand out to touch the beast. It turns its stunning head to look at me, and it seems to beckon me closer. I place a trembling hand on its side, its skin is smooth and icy cold but I hold onto it even tighter. I grab its sopping wet mane and hoist myself up over its back. It whinnies in approval and bolts off into a fast gallop. I hold on for dear life as wind rushes past me and rips at my face.
The horse takes a sudden leap and plunges into the freezing river. I try to let go but an uncontrollable force binds me there. I struggle for air but my lungs find no peace. The creature dives deeper into the water. I try to scream but I cannot open my mouth. I begin to get dizzy and blackness overcomes me…


Chapter 7 (Incomplete)

Cover my eyes, cover my ears
Tell me these words are a lie
It can’t be true, that I'm losing you
The sun cannot fall from the sky
- Tears of an Angel, RyanDan

“The consequences will be far less painful for those who speak up now, rather than later!” His voice escalades again, and the audience dares not make a sound in fear of his growing anger. “Because I will find out who did this! You can’t keep a secret like this forever.” And for a brief second, his dark eyes meet mine, and I turn away as they burn into soul.

He knows. He knows it’s me! I don’t know how he found out, but he knows that I was the one who set the creature on him, the one who devised a plan to end his life.

That’s when I glance over at Carwyn, trying to show him discomfort without words and without revealing my worriment to Donnell or the rest of the congregation. He looks fidgety as well, and he shifts a little in his seat, his hands clutching the edges as if…

“Stand up and confess!” Donnell yells. “If you don’t you are a traitor to this kingdom, and therefore, a traitor to yourself!

Carwyn looks at me again, his hands now on the seat itself, ready to push himself forward, his feet planted firmly on the ground. No… I think to myself, hoping that somehow he will hear my desperate internal pleas. Don’t! This isn’t your fault! It’s mine. I’ll take the blame! He lifts himself up a bit and I shake my head subtly.

“Come on!” Donnell roars, slamming his fist into the post beside him. It’s now or never. I must confess now, before Carwyn does, before he gives up a life that is actually worthwhile.

My own feet find the ground and right as I’m about to leap out of my own chair, Carwyn gives me a remorseful look and springs from his place.

I did it.”

There is an audible gasp from the crowd as Donnell twists around, looking into the face of his advisor, his traitor. “No!” I scream, standing up, but my shouts are drowned out by the sound of the crowd carrying on. I see Carwyn’s family looking on in awe, tears leaking from his mother’s eyes as the guards seize him immediately, beginning to drag him forcefully away.

“No!” I shriek, and I run towards Carwyn, tears streaming down my face. “No, don’t take him! Please!” It’s complete chaos as I try to make my way over to him. Everyone is in disbelief as they were before, when Carwyn announced that he would challenge Donnell. Only this time, the congregation is in a state of absolute pandemonium. I try to push past the hoards of people, but I am unable to get through. All I can do is stand there and watch as my best friend is carted away to some unknown place… perhaps his death.

I feel myself sink into inevitable darkness as the horrific scene plays out before my eyes. “Carwyn…” I whisper, my throat throbbing from the pain of my screams. My eyes go blurry with tears and I don’t know whether to be glad or upset that I can’t see Carwyn’s face one last time.

“Wait!” The crowd quickly silent as their king yells out. I furiously brush away my tears, and the guards come to a halt, Carwyn looking thoroughly tousled and confused. “Don’t kill him.” What’s this? The king is showing mercy? It can’t be… He’ll take my life me for a crime my parents committed, but he won’t take the life of a boy that tried to murder him? For a split second, Donnell appears to be weak. But only for a second. He straightens himself out and proceeds with his orders. “Take him to the dungeons to rot, but don’t kill him.”